It’s so many things that I can attribute to my stressing it’s sad. Life itself is already hard enough that adding other small nagging factors only makes it worse. I haven’t yet found a proven method of managing my stress. When you’ve lived a hard life it’s almost impossible to be free within yourself. I haven’t even hit my 30s and I’ve already lost a good portion of hair. 

I’ve tried many methods to cope with my stress. I tried drowning myself with alcohol to blur out my feelings. Only problem is the alcohol only enhances the worst of my feelings. Alcohol is one  of the worst methods in my opinion. You tend to make the worst decisions when drinking. Which is really why I don’t understand how alcohol is legal and marijuana is not.

Which leads me to the next method. Smoking pot (marijuana) stimulates the brain in a much more thoughtful way. Unlike alcohol, marijuana doesn’t put you in your feelings, it penetrates your mind. Which isn’t a bad thing until you start to think about how you could have done things better or differently. Regret starts to weigh on you causing you to overthink and over analyze every past bad situation. Yet I’d rather be in this state of mind than the previous method. Still marijuana is illegal and alcohol is not. I’m so confused with that logic. 

The last method that I’ve tried is meditation. I really enjoyed meditating for the first two weeks. It was relaxing and calming. It brought piece and serenity into my life for those brief moments. Then a down pour of bad things started happening in my life. The stress got so bad that I needed an immediate release. Meditating wouldn’t help in this case because I needed release right then and there, and meditating requires time. So I eventually revered back to one of the previous methods. Stress kills!!!!!!!